BLOG: What indeed IS next?

Hello my friends! Hope your weekend is going well. Checking the numbers, it seems that my BLOG posts here get more reads than the Monday COMIC posts. Very interesting! So maybe you enjoy the reading more than the art? I will strive to post more often then! Tomorrow drops the final part of issue 4, which Lucas gets a stern talking to after all the recent events have accumulated.

Meanwhile I am making good progress on issue #7. It involves a D&D campaign and some talking between characters outside of that. But I’m having fun with it. Here’s inks on a page I finished yesterday. I still got some more to do with it, but will iron that out during the coloring stage.

(Do you like DRAGON?)

I’m still open for commission work and I am finding random freelance gigs as I can. I just signed up to be an artist on another card set… one that as an atheist will prove very interesting to do. More on that later when I can talk about it. I just find it odd the kind of card sets people would be interested in. I wouldn’t think a set for this thing would be a big seller, but there is a lot of hype on a certain person who just took over a certain role in the Vatican… oops.. did I say too much? Anyway, its an honor to always be asked. I’ll try my best like always.

Wanna feel old? This album turned 31 this week…

I definitely have been feeling older lately. Some old friends of mine are facing health issues or even death. Some of my favorite people in the world are dropping off this mortal plain (RIP Loretta Swit, M*A*S*H*). I’m still trying to live and be as young as my aging, severely out of shape body will allow. I mean, I’m hitting FIVE concerts this year! I’m trying. But for the last month I have woke up with a very sore back and right side. I’ve had to lay on the heating pad, put on icy hot stickies and just course correct to avoid the sharp pains of a pulled muscle or whatever the fuck this is. The days seem to drift by and not much goes on. I get up, maybe do some art stuff, answer emails, drink coffee, pet the cats and maybe read. Then go to work, then out at 9pm to go home to an empty house and do nothing. Well, I late night draw til 2am or I choose to take the night off and just sit watching STAR TREK, read a book or have a few drinks while listening to music in my rocking chair, wishing I were on stage playing a gig in front of adoring onlookers… or dancing at some club that is playing all the right music, I feel good about myself and she’s looking at me.

Life just seems to be drifting by and not much excitement to be had. I was going to go on a vacation this summer, but thanks to car repairs, the funds went bye bye. And now with rising costs and rent going up yet again, I am being frugal. I’m afloat, which is great. I am far ahead on art for the two comics projects I am working on, which is wonderful! But I will admit to feeling pretty lonely at times. Problem is I work a 1pm-9pm shift. All events where I could go out and potentially make new friends or even take someone out on a date usually happens for all normal people during that time. So inevitably I just wander alone during the day while everyone is at work, or wander alone at night when everyone has returned home. I try sometimes to go out to a restaurant, taking myself on a date, or a (gulp) bar or some event if I have the night off or feel the itch. But inevitably I just hate going. I feel old, out of place, lost, unseen/unheard, fat, etc. So I go home and declare I am done trying. I have no desire to ever date really. Dating online sucks. Its hard to have a “meet cute” when you never go out either. Plus I’ve been through enough. I really don’t desire to do it anymore. I don’t have time anyway. And at my age, we would BOTH have scars and obligations of a life lived. Hard to slog through.

So I drift through. Sometimes I think about maybe moving somewhere and just starting over. I’ve toyed with moving to Chicago. Better job, NORMAL HOURS, better pay, more activities, a whole new pool of friends and potential dating pool. Jazz clubs, more book stores, museums… a whole new life. I find those thoughts very exciting to ponder. I got a couple years before I would attempt to pull the trigger on such a thing, cause I wanna make sure my kids get out the door to adulthood okay. But by then I will be fifty. I hope the days ahead are not quite as few as those behind, but you never know. I got friends dying in their fifties and its sobering.

Plus, to actually date someone… I mean, I get a girl to overlook my weight, life scars, dedication to my work and my nerdiness enough to even come home and on my bedroom wall, she sees this…

…And she RUNS FOR THE HILLS! But hey, this is me. Pure me. I have no desire to give up me anymore. Too often in my life I have put myself second and look where it got me. Like that movie 40 Year Old Virgin. I like the flick up until when he starts to sell off his toys in an attempt to “Grow up.” heh… that is impossible for me. I don’t need to or even want to. To be successful, one must achieve everything they wanted as a kid. And now I have. So why walk away from that?

Naw, it will take a special mixture of someone to deal with me. I doubt that exists. I envy those who have found that and they stayed. It’s so rare. So if you have that, grab onto it and hold as tight as you can. Work out the late night fights and compromise. Love as deeply and as real as you can. Cause it is a treasure. It is a garden to nurture and protect. And you found someone to get through this life with. Don’t let it go.

I’ve found happiness in solitude. I hate being lonely, but I love being alone. Right now all I want to do is finish my work. Put out the next four graphic novels and then get moving on my writing career. Break out the paints again and start really focusing on accumulating new fine art and maybe build up to a gallery show one day. Truly kinda “retire” from the pop culture convention/comics making world. The next chapter. I ache for it. But for now, I have unfinished business with PLEASANT LIFE and STARSLAM. Its unfolding quickly and I am trying to enjoy the final ride. After its done, one more big round of shows and then onward. Probably by then I will indeed be fifty. Good “retirement” age? heh… We’ll see.

For now, I shall go forth and kick ass. Stay sane my friends. I got you.

Luvs, T

Bonus cat pic: