BLOG: Mid-Life Crisis?

Hey friends. Part 2 of issue 2 of Pleasant Life is coming Monday morning as always! Good stuff, baby! Good stuff!

I don’t exactly know why I am writing a blog right now. Just to get thoughts out of my head I guess. I’ve been through a lot of life changes in the last couple years. I find myself now being 47 years old, severely out of shape, just drifting, not much direction. No overall goals other than taking care of my kids, paying my bills, doing my art and living as long as I can. But am I really “living?”

I have been considering doing some traveling. Just to get my mind into other places and seeing what is beyond these walls of Michigan. I hate the winter anymore. I’d love to move. But where? And how? For why? Is that the right thing for me?

Many years ago as I was leaving college, I had the opportunity to move to California and work in some small way in the film industry. I got cold feet and didn’t take the offer. Since then I got married, divorced, long term relationship, single again, gaining weight, drifting through. Not much direction or fire under me anymore. Just stuck in a house full of crap I don’t really need. My kids are getting older and could care less if I am in the room or not. (heh I kid somewhat, but really, one day they will be going on their own. Then what?)

I often think, “What next?” At times I feel like 47 is a good run. Just stay here, work my job, pay the bills, get the kids out the door, turn 52 when they are all grown up and just live as long as I can to save up money for them to have after I croak. Living in service to others. Its my job as their dad, yes. But I often wonder if I should go for more.

My day job is a stable, good one. Its quiet. I’m hidden. I’ve earned that I think after working so many jobs over the years (sometimes 2-3 jobs at a time, plus freelance work). But that is just that, I am hidden and its quiet. No growth or challenge. Money will cap out at a low rung. However, when the five years are up and all my kids are 18, I get my child support back. A great extra amount a month in which I could definitely do some damage to my bills and savings. But to save for what?

I could just travel and be okay with just being here. Or start over somewhere new. New friends. New hangouts. New routine. New adventures. New dating pool. A whole new life.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I could move to a larger city like Grand Rapids, MI. More job potential. Live downtown where there is some culture but be close enough to see my boys if they stay here. I’ve also thought about another city I fell in love with, Chicago. Still cold in both places, but there is more life there. Progressive city. Pockets of good and bad. New experiences. History. Its the place where my favorite movie takes place (1999’s High Fidelity). I could go to jazz bars. Take in concerts, local gigs. Shop in good places. Visit the museums more. Conventions there in town.

Of course prices are higher there. But the apartments I was looking at in the nothern region aren’t too much more expensive than what I am paying now in Mid-Michigan. Maybe I just need a new challenge. Something new to work towards and hope for. Pay bills, drop weight, save money and then make the move… whatever that move will be. Its a long term goal. Where would I want to “retire” from? Plus Chicago would be closer to my oldest son who lives in Minnesota. I could see him easier and if something happens to me, he can get to me easier too. I could travel anywhere from there. There’s a booming comics scene there. Underground art and music.

I’m really seriously thinking about it. I honestly don’t know. I just know that I need a change somehow. I’m treading water. As Shawshank says, “Get busy living or get busy dying.” I’ve been thinking about death a lot. I know its coming. I haven’t stacked the deck well in my favor by staying out of shape. The depression of the world seeps in and keeps me crazy to where food and other bad substances is my go to. I am lonely. Not for companionship so much, but lonely due to lack of purpose.

I am inspired by people who have just upped their whole lives and moved to another state, craving the change and adventure. I’ve always played my life too safe. I guess I got a lot to think about. Have you ever done such a leap? If so, how did it go for you? What would you change? I’d love to hear your story. Comment below or hit me with an email: phymns@yahoo.com - Help me make a decision.

This isn’t happening TOMORROW. Its a long term plan. But its exciting to think about and reignites the fire within. Change is coming. I want it. I NEED it. So let it be written, so let it be done!

…besides… I could literally draw my comics anywhere in the world. Why not a big city outside my window to look at and inspire me?

Thanks for reading, T